Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I've no idea why I'm feeling isolated from certain people; even for some important people in my life. Well, of course, unimportant people too. Unimportant people are the least of my concern. I just can't seem to understand I feel isolated from these people. It seems as though they are looking at me in a different manner. The people I associate with in my daily work appear to be hostile sometimes. I wonder if it is just me. Am I being paranoid again?

Anyway, I realised that a very important person in my life has drifted away from me lately. Or rather, sometime back? I have no idea how did it happen too. There were just some things she did which I did not approve of. I had wanted to tell her how I felt but I held myself back. Back then, I saw no point in blowing matters up. Till now, I still do not think that I will tell her. It's amazing how the close feeling between us diminished unknowingly. Holding the fact that relationships are fragile at the back of my head, I know that telling her may probably worsen our relationship. I will just let things be as it is now.

Now that my brother has resumed his army duties, the number of important people in my life whom I can relate to has lessened. I gathered that the unit he got posted to was bad. In fact, I could tell that it was awfully bad when the people I spoke to shaked their heads depressingly. Mr Wu told me that that it was unlucky that my brother got posted to the combat engineering unit too. I pray that he's doing fine in there now.

When I finally have the room to myself, I gain freedom.

The freedom comes together with feeling incomplete in my life; if only I can have the best of two worlds.