Monday, December 29, 2008

This year's Christmas has been SO FRUITFUL.

Well, I've received more gifts I've given. It wasn't something I expect. I've gotten presents from my colleagues, friends and Mr Wu.

It's really amazing to receive presents from colleagues whom you've barely spoken to them. Especially for a new joiner like me. These people do not belong to my team; FYI. My team, Options, is close to Swaptions. The Angel and Mortal game was played between the two teams. I found out that my Angel was Jack at the Christmas party on Saturday. Initially, I wasn't really comfortable with the idea. What concerned me was that I had to buy present for someone whom I've never met before I joined the team. Isn't it weird? It is pressurizing because you have to think of how to blend into your own team as well as the Swaptions because both teams are on good terms. They've organised several monthly outings.. that was what I heard from a friend I made at the Christmas party from Swaptions.

I was not really enthusiastic about going to the party. What is fun if you don't know majority of the people well? What adds more pressure is the fact that they are already in cliques! Well, I'd like to say that my decision to go could, in fact, be a blessing in disguise. I managed to know this girl from Swaptions and we could click pretty well. We both felt that it was hard to mingle around... she has worked in the team for a few months. She told me that she was very quiet during the first 3 months of work and she hardly spoke to anyone. She should be quite comfortable with her team mates now. Still, she told me that she doesn't have much to talk to her team mates sometimes. The good thing is, she is also 23! I guess that really helps in making topics and such. My manager is nearing 30 and ... I find it hard to talk to her already? My sister could talk better with her than I could at the party on Saturday.

Really, the age gap matters.

I am glad that I found a friend... and I will try to take things slowly from there. At least, I can attend the team outings knowing that I have someone I can talk to. Frankly, some trivial matters happened during work the last week and it made me feel unpleasant at work. You could have guessed it more or less... it's the people matters. Somewhat, I think I have to brush up a lot more on the people skills. Otherwise, it would be myself at the losing end.

Besides the people, work is stressing me out in a way. I am on my own now that Jack has left. He told me that I could still call him for help when I run into any doubts. I am grateful that he offered to help even though he is not obliged to. Well, I doubt I will call him unless I am done with all means to help myself to clear doubts. LOL. It's a matter of pride again!

Nobody in the team really knows about reconciliation except my manager. Then again, she has lost touch with it because she hasn't done it in a long time. I really can't wait for the time when I can fully take control without relying on anyone. Once I am comfortable with this, it'll be time to move on to something new and value-adding. I guess, I still need a long time. There will be a new joiner on the 5 Jan... and I'm definitely not looking forward to that. I am supposed to coach the new joiner... but come on, I've only been in the team less than a month?! How am I going to handle this? We'll see how it goes...

I foresee the enormous stress that I'll be facing in 09. I highly doubt it'll be a good year for me.

So much has happened recently. I've got no time to write all here... I'll leave this as it is now.

I'll be back with more soon!