Thursday, March 26, 2009

I've been posting entries more frequent than usual this week. Oh well, I am really tired and drained but I just have to let my feelings out here before I go to bed. Otherwise, I would be tossing non-stop in my bed.

I wasn't feeling well at work today. Something happened to me when I was working and I felt really uncomfortable. I had the urge to go to a doctor badly but I was kept so busy at work that I could hardly message anyone via the chat channels. Being new to Trade Support, I felt quite disappointed with my performance and speed of learning so far. I think it could be better.

I haven't had enough time to myself to learn Trade Support because I had to train my colleague on my current role. As much as I wanted to learn the stuff as quickly as possible, I was already behind others. On another hand, I had to worry about my rapport with the team members. I could hardly talk to them. This is especially so for the females in my team. They were a clique long before I joined. There was a team lunch today ... and my manager chatted the team whether anyone would like to lunch together at the pantry. I did not respond to that... and the rest said they were okay with lunching in together. The people who did not join the team lunch was me and Gary. We had already made plans with the Swaptions team to lunch today last week.

When she took the order for the food, she did not ask whether I'd like to join in. Oh well, maybe she assumed that I was not going to join in because I did not reply. That action of hers deviated from my expectation. I expected that anyone would ask the second time as a policy of courtesy. I don't know what to think about this... Maybe I should have just taken this week off and then I wouldn't have to face all these at work.

On the contrary, escaping from problems will not solve anything and neither will it make me feel better. I guess I've chosen to close one eye to what's going on now. Right now, I have to be determined to improve my work performance and learning process... and nothing else prior to these should be prioritised.

And it's Friday tomorrow! I can't wait for the weekend to be here.

I'm making weekend plans already!!!!!