Saturday, July 18, 2009

The appraisal session left me feeling discouraged with some comments she made about me yesterday. Or rather, I should say two days ago. Oh well, I am a baby to this whole appraisal shit. Not knowing what I should be asking or saying, I kept quiet and listened throughout. I could feel that she had involved her personal emotions heavily and couldn't seem to piece a clear judgement from the words she told me.

"I know you can be focused when you know what you want to do. But I feel that you do not take things wholeheartedly when you can't seem to see the results you expect or want."

This is so ambiguous. I asked if she could provide any examples. She said it was just her personal observation and that I should go home and think about this. Why would any good boss said something like this without stating any concrete examples to support her words? She just made me think that she was subjective during the appraisal session. Then again, what is the point of going through a performance appraisal when your grade should be based on the objectives set between you and your manager?

We have and need to be objective. I asked around and B mid was considered a good grade for new joiners. This is especially true because usually new joiners get B low to C high on average. I should be thankful? I spoke to my team mate about this when he drove me down to see Mr Wu earlier on. We discussed about her and the appraisal sessions. I could tell that he wasn't very happy with her either. I do think that I 've got a lot to work on. She told me that I am immature and I was shocked beyond words.

I'm not sure if immature was the right word to be used by her. Personally, I felt that it was inappropriate. Again, she wouldn't give a shit because she calls the shots. I'm sure this is gonna be a test for me. A test of how strong I can be enough to handle a superior like her. Will I do better by end of the year? That is very critical.

I wish somebody can tell me how to carry on at work. Sometimes, I just felt so lost like I've never been. I have to make sure that I can excel in doing the FOBO reconciliation before I can gain the trust of others to go further on the Trade Support roles. How can I achieve that? I have to think hard about this.

It'll be a sad week next week because Mr Wu wouldn't be around with me. I was glad that the Swaptions team planned a birthday surprise for me today. Great company, lovely cake and tasty food. What more can I ask for?

People like them keep me going at work to a little extent.

I've no idea why I am getting the urge to shop badly ever since I returned from HKG. It's kinda scary, Mr Wu just bought me a pair of jeans from Zara two days ago. That was like right after I got back from HKG. I went to shop in town ... I love the thrill of going around to find clothes which suit me and give me a style to carry out well!

Time for me to hit the bed.