Sunday, August 9, 2009

exhibiting sharply varying mood

Anger to sadness and sadness to happiness.

This is what I've been feeling today. LOL. I don't know what has gone through me. A little disturbance could get me really angry and upset today. Hmmm... I could feel that I shouldn't be mj-ing in this kind of mood because it's bound-to-lose session for me. Indeed it was. Okay, I felt pretty broke after 2 days of mj sessions. The mj sessions made me poorer by 30 dollars. I was quite sad to be losing money. To try to make myself feel better after the bitter game sessions, I told myself that the money I lost is a minute percentage of my monthly income. Erm.. of course, I don't want to be losing money all the time. I told boyfriend this and he laughed at me. Poor boyfriend! He lost two days in a row as well. Both of us need to cry hard together.

The weekend perks were KOI and boyfriend for me. I love KOI!

The KOI addiction is getting stronger. Of course, I should listen to boyfriend's advice and not drink too much KOI. He told me that it is not good for health. Alright, I've no idea where he hears this from. I'll just be a good girlfriend and listen to him for this once. "This once" is emphasized strongly here. I do not listen to him other times. LOL. The other way round is a yes.

It feels great to spend time with boyfriend. To make boyfriend happy, I turned up for his family dinner on Saturday. Hehe, he probably will read this. I was glad that I went eventually. Hmmm...I could feel that boyfriend is more 'daring' in front of his parents. He held my hands in front of his parents on Saturday. As far as I could remember, he did not do so previously. LOL. Okay, I must admit that it made me happy :) LOL! I didn't know why he did that as well. I did not ask him about his. Well, I don't think I'd ask him until he sees this. I'm happy that things are still strong between me and him. Hopefully our relationship will keep going strong.

I've been hearing a few break-up stories lately. Ups and downs in a relationship are inevitable. Hmmm... I still stand by the fact that as long as you have each other in your heart, it'll last for a long time. I guess, I must learn to cherish boyfriend more. Not that I do not cherish him enough at the moment, I can do better than this I believe. Besides, it's only right to do so.

I hope the same for one of his friend's girlfriend. His friend's girlfriend is one big weirdo. Sighs, if only she can think like me. LOL... Things will be wonderful then. Hehe, the weird girlfriend doesn't allow hugs and kisses. How ridiculous can this be? The horrible stories of how badly she treated her boyfriend were many to count. I really pity him. Seriously, good luck to him. He spent so much effort to go after a psycho and he thought he'd get happiness.

I look forward to spending another wonderful day with boyfriend tomorrow. I'm on leave tomorrow! Woohoo. Most people would be since it is a public holiday. But hey, foreign banks do not follow spore calendar. I'm expecting heavy work load for the next two weeks :( Again, I'm thinking of work already. A team mate is going rservist for two weeks and I'll need to cover his work. His work, my work and Trade Support role. I'm trying to get more involved in Trade Support. When the time is right, I'll kiss goodbye to the team manager. I was feeling really demoralized on Friday. I started thinking what she said to me during my appraisal and felt really moody about it.

I thought I've gotten over it but it takes a lot of time. I'm still trying to get the confidence back at work. It's hard. I bet I'll get more demoralized when NW leaves the team. I wouldn't be the only one. JL and GN as well. In fact, the whole team will be very much affected except her. JL told me that she was just like me a year ago. To put it simply, she was run down by her during the appraisal session as well. She did not tell me what happened exactly during her appraisal session with the manager. Apparently, nasty things happened. I guess, she only favours males. Really, what the f*** is wrong with her. She is a freak.

I am really afraid of her. JL told me to stay strong at work and that I do not need to fear her because I didn't do anything wrong. That is true. But the thing is, she gives me the feeling that I do not perform up to her expectations. I feel that everything I do is being watched by her. I probably have not talked about this yet. She instructed EL to do an internal audit of my work a month ago. I guess this is normal procedure but I didn't understand why it was him instead of me. I didn't feel very good about it.

Oh well, my only wish now is to pick up things as fast I can and leave as fast as I can as well.

Alright, I'm tired already. It's time to hit the bed and dream of boyfriend.

Posted by carrousel at 11:02 PM