Sunday, September 6, 2009
a weekend of mixed feelings
Again, the weekend zoomed past really quickly. This weekend was one with mixed feelings. Maybe I should just list out the things I did over the weekend and then slowly tell here how I felt about each and little thing I did. I was out at the zoo with Lilian and PJ along with their partners. Of course, Mr Wu was with me too. Thanks to Lilian, we had free passes to the zoo. We've been procrastinating the zoo visit for sometime already. In short, the trip was fun except that PJ left us halfway as she was not feeling too well. I do hope that she is doing good now.
I was happy that boyfriend spent a great deal of his time with me over the weekend. Actually, I could sense that both of us are upset over the fact that we wouldn't have much time together anymore because his London shift will start tomorrow. It isn't just going to a temporary arrangement. It'll be fixed for as long as he remains with the current team at Barcap. I wish that things will change for the better in future. Still, I am afraid to hope for anything in a bad job market like this. I am more than happy that he has a job now.
I am going to feel empty after work and on Friday nights. I know he's worried. I can't help it... but to tell how I feel here. Nobody's gonna cheer me up after work. Nobody's gonna be waiting for me to have dinner. Nobody's gonna be giving me any surprises anymore. Things will change and the change will be a hard one for me to accept. I guess, I 'll need to find something to do to keep my mind of the negative thoughts. I'd love to stay positive..really.
I've been feeling pretty stressed out from work lately. I missed out a fixing error last week and caused the bank to lose a tiny amount of money. Even though the amount is really insignificant, it doesn't make me feel any better. On the other hand, I do still have a lot at work which I am not sure of. I felt stupid. And... even more stressed out because I can feel the pressure coming from her. I seem to be far away from my objectives still. 5 more months to go before the next appraisal session. The period of 5 months will probably determine the amount of bonus I'd get. I've no idea why... but negativity is taking over me again.
At the end of the day, I shouldn't have any expectations on the amount of bonus. It'll definitely lead to a big disappointment if the result fails my expectations.
In the meantime, I just need to think of something to do to keep myself occupied after work everyday.
Posted by carrousel at 10:57 PM
