Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Argh....! The frustration and anger at work is killing me. For the past 2 days, the recon hasn't been doing so well. It's how ironic how bad things could happen in a day. Yesterday, I was really upset over work. As usual, I returned to work yesterday after my long weekend. Had the intention to discuss with my manager about some work issues... and I told her that those issues are not easy to work on. I merely intended to ask for her opinion on them. She chatted me with a weird and cold reply, "Giving up already?" I was so stunned. I didn't know what to reply. I laughed it off instead and told her no. I can't imagine how a manager (supposedly with high EQ) to give such a reply. What did I do to deserve her stupid attitude? I should have written further bad things about her on the upward appraisal.

LOL. She really makes me hate my work. EOD reports took long to get churned out yesterday. She left without verifying my postings. She instructed someone else to do it instead. She couldn't wait for those reports to be ready. What kind of a manager is that? I seriously don't need an irresponsible manager if I have a choice. There was a discussion on BCM today. All she talked about was Trade Support and nothing on the FOBO recon. Towards the end of the discussion, I could feel that she doesn't give a damn about the recon. Boo. She tried to challenge my competency today by asking me the way I handle some repetitive breaks. Breaks which I know at the back of my hand and breaks whom I know can help me resolve. I sent an email to the people whom I went to previously to resolve the same breaks. I explained to her the story behind these breaks and she was doubtful of the way I handle and look at them.

In the end, who was right? Me of course! Though she is the manager, she doesn't have good knowledge of these breaks. Somebody responded to my email and as soon as I told her that, she realized that I was right all along. She kept mum then. I was a bit mad. If you don't trust me, then get somebody else to do the recon for you lah!

After what happened at work these days, I feel so unmotivated to stay any later than 6PM every day. I see no point in doing so much more extra for TS especially after 6PM. Only 10% of my appraisal grade comes from TS. What's the point? I only want to do extra and learn more at my free time and within my capacity.

I think we both know that we hate each other? I don't know if that's the case. I do know that I am bad at hiding my emotions but come on, I'm sure nobody can be perfect in doing so, even she herself. After all these, I doubt it's easy to even talk freely at work everyday. I wish she'd just stop making things difficult for me!

A friend told me that there is an opening for EM sales assistant. I am so tempted to give it a try. Who knows this could be the chance to make it big? I am really tempted but I wonder if I am ready for that level of stress in FO. I read the job description and it sounds not too bad. I believe that it'd be a good ground to get a lot of valuable exposure and experience. Though very much interested, I do know myself. I don't feel too ready for it. Anyway, no harm trying right? I do have the experience they 're looking for but probably not too in-depth since I only just joined my current team for a year.

My biggest concern is the consequences if manager knows that I am applying for some internal job behind her back. I think I'll 死的很难看。

Boyfriend has been asking me to try it. He knows that my manager is making me very unhappy and I am so affected by it honestly... Hmmm probably to the extent whereby I don't feel like meeting anyone after work now. I just want to go home and have some peace! I feel so lousy.... lousy and very lousy. Despite all these, I am really happy to have boyfriend by my side the past two days. Of course, not forgetting Mei and Steph. I met up with them for dinner yesterday and I was really glad to see them again.

Can't wait for weekend to come! More retail therapy for me with boyfriend!
Probably no mahjong this weekend... because I simply don't feel like it.
Maybe next weekend then.

Time for bed now.