Saturday, April 10, 2010

Sometimes, I do think I fail badly as a girlfriend.

I'm always unhappy with the things he does. I wish he can improve to be a better boyfriend. I am not saying that he's not a good boyfriend but there is always room for improvement, isn't it?

He'll be going for 2 weeks reservist soon. This is our last weekend together.

I allowed him to study in the day and we'd meet up in the evening later. I thought he'd spend the night with me... but no, he went to meet his friends instead. I don't blame him, it was probably just wishful thinking on my end.

What do I really expect from him? Last weekend was an unhappy one and this weekend may as well follow suit. At least I know that my next weekend will be a happy and enjoyable one with Mei and Steph. I am really looking forward to it!

Back to boyfriend.

I couldn't understand why. What is it that is driving all the unhappiness? Is it that I've been sick for the whole week and not getting enough TLC from boyfriend seemed to have worsened the situation? I know he's been asking if I get better everyday. But, come to think of it, this isn't really what I needed. I waited for him to have dinner together yesterday. He told me he'd end late so I met up with my girlfriends at Ion first instead.

When he came over, it was 930PM. He did not even ask if I've had my dinner. Actually, I was really hungry. The only thing he did was to walk around the food hall for a long time and took his time to decide what to have for dinner.

I figured out that I must have been too hungry to get angry. I did not tell him I was hungry either. In the end, we settled our dinner at food court. He only realized that I have not had my dinner when I queued for an expensive bowl of unsatisfying fish ball noodles. (6 fishballs + a bowl of noodles costs 5 bucks!) It was the most expensive fish ball noodles I've eaten so far!

Uncaring boyfriend and unsatisfying food totally spoilt my mood. I didn't feel like talking then. It took me a while to settle my mood down. What would most girls do? How would most girls feel? I hope that my reaction and behaviour is normal to most girls.

I am disappointed in him. Each time I tell him so, he'll go, "Yeah, you're always disappointed with me." I don't know if he has tried to change. Maybe he has. I probably failed to realise it. I was really happy for her when PJ told me that Nut surprised her by doing lunch appearances with her favourite pretzels.

His change was so significant. What about my boyfriend?

And...I thought to myself:

"When was the last time I got a surprise? When was the last time I got a gift from him out of the blue?"

I am really excited about planning Macau itinerary yet at the same time I feel quite tired of it.

I can't explain why I'm having mixed feelings about the trip now.

I made my conclusion right at the beginning of this entry. That explained it all.