Monday, May 3, 2010

I still couldn't accept the fact the my grandmother had passed on on Saturday evening. It came as sudden and easy as could be it seemed.

My family was badly worn-out since Friday night itself. Ambulance was called on Friday night to bring my grandmother to A&E as she vommited profusely and fractured her hip bone after a fall in the afternoon. She couldn't be moved and shouldn't be so as to avoid further complications. The left side of her face was severely swollen and I was really sure that this wasn't just a normal fall. To our shock, the doctor told us that she suffered a heart attack, possibly before/during/after the fall. This was a serious damage to her body and heart thereafter. The doctor told us that her heart was damaged and other organs are shutting down.

Extremely fluctuative blood pressure and her age discouraged doctors from prescribing medication to aid her condition. The doctors spoke to us about her condition and told us to be mentally prepared for the worst. The most unfortunate thing was my grandmother was unable to hold to till my sister and eldest uncle return from overseas. My sister was in Phuket for a wedding and managed to arrange for the earliest flight back to Spore. My eldest uncle was in Hainan for a holiday. Time seemed to take an eternity to pass on Saturday. I was glad that she left in peace because I knew that she had left for somewhere where her sufferings could come to an end. It was a better way for her I guess.

And the rest agreed it was probably the best for her as well.

She left us at 1913. Funeral arrangements were immediately made by my uncles and dad. Upon completion of necessary procedures, my dad and the rest of us collected my grandmother's body at the mortuary. It was my first time at the eerie-looking Block 9 mortuary at SGH. I could feel that it was rather 'unclean'. Nonetheless, we waited outside an entrance of a tunnel where the staff would use to transport the bodies from normal wards to the mortuary. This tunnel is built underground and definitely not meant for the public's eyes.

My grandmother's body was brought back to my house void deck at around 2330. We had to watch her body overnight carefully as there was no coffin available at such late hour. It was a terrifying experience to be watching a dead body covered in white through the night even though it was my grandmother. Oh well, I am dead sure that anyone would feel scared.

Further unpleasant incidents happened along with her departure. Conflicts amongst my uncles on the funeral arrangements took place. A lot of unhappiness surfaced as heated arguments were exchanged at the wake. It was really obscene. I am ashamed to be part of the family. They totally had no respect for their deceased mother who was still lying in the coffin. Unhappiness that came about because of 70K left behind by my grandmother.

Thankfully, my father was not involved at all. He is always sure of where he stands and I am proud of him for that.

Well...because of the wake, I was unable to leave for Macau as planned on coming Thursday now. I've managed to reschedule the flight. I will be heading to HKG in July instead. I'm glad that Tiger granted the changes we wanted to make to our flight, but it came at a cost of 188SGD. Nothing can be helped. I either lose what I paid for the air tickets or make additional top-ups for changes. As for the hotel accommodation, the cost for a night's stay would be forfeited.

I'm really dead tired from the past late nights I stayed up at the wake. I've been sleeping at 5ish - 6am. I am in a bad shape now, I reckon.

I need a lot of love, care and concern! Getting insufficient rest is making me grumpy and even more grumpy as the days pass.

I wonder why boyfriend can't be more supportive during this period of time. I am really disappointed in him. I didn't think we spend enough time together after his 2 weeks ICT. I am even more sure of this thought when my grandmother passed away just shortly after his ICT. Since then, I've been really busy with the wake matters. Two days ago, we argued because I really couldn't take his attitude towards me. As a boyfriend, shouldn't he be more caring and supportive upon the demise of my grandmother?

He gave me a bad attitude over a trivial matter. I might not have fought with him if I wasn't going through a difficult period. I was really tired, hungry and depressed. The fact that even my partner failed to stand by my side during this period did disappoint me a lot.

I thought to myself that I could have closed one eye to this and chose to remain mum about this. I was glad I 'blew' this up and knocked some sense into boyfriend. The next morning, he asked for my forgiveness.

What is the point? I hope he'd stop taking me for granted. I told him this, "If this is the attitude you're giving me, what is the meaning of a girl friend to you?"

Before the argument, I was pretty sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. Now, uncertainty is rising faster and more than what I can take in this relationship it seems.

I was suddenly being pulled away from him and still am now.

I always think that an argument between a couple will only have two results. The couple either gets along even better than before or the whole relationship will just get strained further.

I am sure that the latter applies to us this time.