Sunday, June 13, 2010

It has been sometime since the last entry. I was very swamped at work this week. By the time I got home from work, I was totally brain-fried. I simply couldn't squeeze out any energy to blog anymore. Though I had so much to say, I could only hold it till now.

When the weekend was here, I could smell how important it was. It was a crazy week, really. I couldn't wait to rest my mind and brain. I got up at 7 AM everyday and worked for almost 12 hours for the week. My work was intense beyond description. I hardly had any time to breathe! I knew that I must have over-worked my brain this week. I felt hungry at work easily! My tummy would be growling 80% of the time... but when it did, I never had time to take any food.

It probably explains why I had gastric problems over the weekend. When I was having my facial, I was too hungry and gastric problems developed shortly. I rushed for lunch with boyfriend after facial. You probably should not take chilli when you have gastric problems. Well... and what happened was, I took sambal chilli (it was so spicy that I could feel that my throat was burning after the meal) and the pain worsened.

Honestly, besides gastric problems, I admit that I have not been in the pink of health of late. I've been having headaches and insomnia at nights. Also, there seemed to be an issue with my menstrual cycle. (of course, I shouldn't talk about this here!)

Work stress is the major contributing factor. I don't think I can confide in anyone. I am afraid that I am the only best person to handle stress myself. Nobody can help me.

I turned to jogging today. I jogged more than usual today and it was the best jog of the week! Am I ready for another week of work battle? I dare not think of it.

But I know for sure, when tomorrow comes, I have to be up and ready for it.

Well... all I looked forward before this weekend was a good one with boyfriend. Unfortunately, he had to meet his friends and colleagues for dragon boating and a night-out. Saturday was boyfriend-less except for the evening. He popped over because I was unwell. What turned out was another 'show-down' we had and it ended Saturday on a bitter note.

It seems like we would have a 'show-down' every other month. Is there something wrong here?

I establish that there is a major problem when he fails to identify the issue. If I think there is an issue and he doesn't think what I think is an issue, it's a big issue to me!

We can't go on for long if this continues.

Somewhat, I am getting tired of repeating these similar issues to him. With how work is piling up for me now, I don't feel that this relationship should add on further stress and unhappiness to me. If it does, we should sit down and evaluate the relationship together. Again, communication is the big word. But... I am tired to communicate and initiate a 'communication'.

Why can't he take more initiative in doing so? Are we becoming like Ming Hui and Yvonne? It seems like I am 'Minghui' and he is 'Yvonne'. God, look what happened to them?

It is his mother's birthday today. He had planned to bring the family out for dinner. We played mahjong with Angus and his colleagues at his place this afternoon. His parents came home when we were in the midst of the game. I did not expect them to return home so early. When I saw them, I felt uneasy and awkward. Haha, luck went down further... I could have gone home with the biggest winnings. Oh well, that wasn't the main gist I wanted to put across here. Boyfriend told me that he did not ask if I'd like to join in for the dinner because he knew that I was still upset with his parents.

True enough, I was. I just couldn't bring myself to face them.

I WANTED TO GET OUT OF HIS PLACE AS QUICKLY AS I COULD.

I was glad I did. Nobody including boyfriend had the right to ask for my forgiveness towards them. Who would have understood how I felt when I heard those words from them?

Nobody including BOYFRIEND.

So much happened this year. Be it the good or bad, I am over it. I learnt that I had to be a stronger person at work and in a relationship.

At work, I have to be stronger because... people have high expectations of me. Sometimes, I am in an awkward position. People think I know but I don't know! Now, it really does matter a lot to me how much people think I know. I need to be more diligent in building up my product knowledge... and knowledge of the work processes in the shortest possible time.

In a relationship, I have to grow to be stronger because... I should be! This is especially so for a girl because we should never over-invest in a relationship. We need to protect ourselves.

If boyfriend decides to leave me one day, will I be able to carry on with normal living?