Sunday, August 22, 2010

I've been getting bad menses cramps since last night. I hate it.

When can I face up to the fact that I should go for a pelvis scan and get jab against cervical cancer? I hate getting jabs, scans and checks!

The cramps came to me a week earlier than expected. Stress is taking a toll on my health. Though I should learn to relax after work, it's always easier to say it than do it. I can't!

I just simply couldn't stop thinking of work. The difficult issues and people haunting me is a nightmare. I contemplated leaving my job last week.

It isn't about the work actually. It is the people I am dealing with. I am tired of the attitude I am getting from people around me at work. This will only stop when I decide not to be an employee of Barcap anymore. Or perhaps, a member of SOTS. I guess another alternative is to ask for an internal transfer if I still want to stay in Barcap.

Though I feel really unhappy at work, I still want to stay in the team very much. The reason being is that, I'd like to excel and do a great job in my new role before I move on. At least, I really want to prove to her that she has made the right choice by placing me in this role. That explains why I am always hard on myself when it comes to work.

I feel that I could have performed better sometimes.

I need to learn to take things easy in life before I get more white hair.

We had a terrible argument last night and today. Basically, weekend could have been more interesting.

Though things have been sorted out now, my mind is still filled with confusion and doubts about the whole relationship. The same old feeling last month came to me last night again.

We seemed to have lost the good old feelings.

I couldn't think of how I should continue on this relationship with boyfriend. He was right. I probably don't know what I wanted from life and the relationship.

Of course, there are so many things about the relationship that I can't simply leave behind. I know I still hold them close to me.

I find it ironic that we can't understand each other after more than 2.5 years of being together. I am disappointed that he can't even fulfill a simple expectation of a boyfriend.

I can't picture our future in my mind. I am lost for words and thoughts.

I can't wait for retail therapy tomorrow! It is probably the only thing which will keep me smiling/happy for the week. Speaking of shopping, I feel like getting a bag again. LOL!

It's a crazy thought I know. But I don't feel that I have enough bags, LOL. Yeap, another crazy thought!

Grrr... until 2011 please.

Boyfriend said he'd plan something wonderful for me this upcoming weekend so that I could forget all the unhappiness.

I do hope so.