Sunday, January 16, 2011
So many things on my mind; if only I can forget everything when I wake up from a good long sleep. A good long sleep which I really need.
I was injected with a huge dosage of stress/unhappiness from the work week, especially after my appraisal with my manager.
I was not sure if she really recognize my performance and effort for the year 2010. I wasn't sure if she meant it when she said , "Your performance was glaring, everyone could see it. I don't have to say anything much about it. " I was like, "uh , yeah I will know if you mean it when I get my bonus in end Feb" And... the other senior team member joined in my appraisal session together with my manager as well. The only bad thing my manager jotted was, "I could feel that you're not a very patient person. " , "Your inexperience in training new joiner shows."
Oh man. With regards to the first liner, that was what she felt. Could a manager make such a subjective statement during appraisal? That was totally unacceptable to me. On the 2nd liner, I am not a teacher/tutor/training expert and yeap, why should my grade be compromised because of that? I could only think of Lady Gaga during my appraisal.... "Eh, Eh (Nothing else I can say)"
She asked if I had any overall comments at the end of the session. I did not say anything. It has been decided. What more is there to say and argue over?
And when I thought I could have some good rest and spend time with family/boyfriend on weekend, it did not really happen as well. Weekend was busy, busy running unimportant errands. I was really grumpy. Why do I have to spend my time on some people who are not worth my time and effort to do so? Sometimes, I asked myself , "What have these people done for me in their lives?" Sadly, I couldn't find any good answer to convince myself that they deserve anything from me.
It's time to either break up with these people or be more aggressive towards them.
Boyfriend was right. We were happier in younger days. With time, people grow up to become more self-centered and protective of their needs. In the process, they hurt people around them unknowingly. I feel like screaming aloud at them, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"
The good old times are gone and will never return. Even if they do, the feeling will never been the same again. The term has changed now, it was friendship and now a relationship... A relationship which I can't put any label to? I am sad but happy at the same time because I am a step closer to filtering these people out of my life.
I am never going to do anything for these people again.
Even the person closest to me upset me as well. Yeap, he is boyfriend, Mr Wu.
I felt bad about being grouchy on him over weekend. Amazingly, the only person who never fails to bring a smile to my face will always be baby Charlotte!
I could cry one moment and smile the next when I see her smile... she is MAGIC :)
Posted by carrousel at 8:17 PM
