Saturday, November 26, 2011

November hasn't been comforting so far in terms of work, health and mental well being. Perhaps that explains why I haven't been updating this space for the past 1 month.

Now, I have too much to write here. I am not sure if my body can stay up for another 30 minutes to do it. It's only 2230 and I am feeling so tired. What is happening to me? I can only deduce that I am getting on in years! The phase of having late nights is way over for me.

Same goes for Mr Wu. Like me, he is always feeling tired. Sadly, it's an undeniable fact that work is the main factor which contributes to our fatigue all this while. We've been working long hours in office and when we get home, we hardly sleep well because our minds are still thinking about work. I almost went berserk at work this week!

Tight cut-offs, trade booking issues and problems with the new joiner are all driving me crazy. Yes, I am mentoring AGAIN! Something which I really detest to do at work.
My sister told me it's all part of development.

Sometimes I wish I could be excluded from such 'development'. I can better use my time on some other more important work in office.

To me, it just seems that nobody is interested to mentor the new joiner and that is why I've been 'arrowed' to do so. Another colleague in my team has tendered. With that, I am now made the most senior analyst in the team. The manager has been telling me to step up on product knowledge and I am under pressure from her to get the new joiner settled down in her role quickly.

How can I do that when the new joiner has low self-awareness of herself?
She thinks she is doing okay but I think otherwise.

I get fed-up at work every other day because of her. I have to remind her every now and then to get things done. I don't think this is the right way to treat an adult.

What does my manager know besides putting pressure on me to train the new joiner well?
Is it my fault that the new joiner is blur and confused 99% of the time?

Each time I ask if she is okay with the things I teach hr, she nods her head with no further questions asked. Anyone would take it good that she could digest whatever information I am downloading to her. Why can't she perform then? I really don't know if there is something wrong with her or my mentoring skills.

If she cannot grow, I cannot grow either. I am tied down by her as long as she doesn't make any progress in her work.

The only thing which is keeping me in the team is I still have learning opportunities.

The job market is too bad for anyone to move out now.

The year is coming to an end. I am not sure what expectations I should set for myself at work next year. I am trying to do my best at work but I know that I am getting more and more unmotivated.